There’s a burger joint near my office that my colleagues (it makes me feel like a grown-up to call them that) and I often order lunch from. They’re known for overcooked burgers and undercooked fries, but the next best option is a Chinese place known around these parts as Sketchy, so you can see how [...]

Friday morning, the bus was coming just as I rounded the corner to the stop, so I hurried to the newfangled ticketing machines and sighed as some fool struggled to figure out that the “press Start button to begin” flashing on the screen wasn’t a joke. I twitted back and forth from machine to machine [...]

My best friend sent me the following video last night in an e-mail entitled “Don’t Ask Me”: Aside from the confident message about not peeing his bed, the best parts of the video for me are the close-ups of what the Kelly family must consider fancy footwork by little Angelo. But isn’t he just sort [...]

I walked into work one morning and found the leaf of this plant keeled over and attempting to commit suicide on my floor. I waited for our hired plant girl to clean it up. That’s right. We pay someone to water our plants.

The cigarette butt next to it is a dead giveaway for me. Have a smoke, pop a squat, go about the rest of your day.

Looks like plain moldy water, sure, but you KNOW that little bird perched on the edge of the bowl is just chock full of urine.

This sausage truck is outside my office building most days, but I’ve always been afraid to order from it because of the horror stories I’ve heard about dear Dominic. Apparently he inexplicably takes forever to make each sandwich, which in turn causes a long line to form. But whenever someone decides to leave the line, [...]

Pink. Slightly chunky. Still plenty of wetness to indicate possible urine base.

Unidentified liquid. Spotted on the subway, which is possibly too public for urination. Spotted on the subway, which is full of crazy people. Runny, watery, like pee-pee.

Unidentified liquid. Suspiciously close to a fire hydrant. What appear to be dried layers of previous liquids could indicate the attempt of several animals to mark the spot. Liquid seems to be brown instead of yellow.